Internet and the Modern Vampire
by Lamia of the Dark
Summary: Oneshot. Crack. Seras accidentally discovers Alucard's old Deviantart account and shows it to Integra. Takes place during the time-skip.


**DISCLAIMER: Hellsing belongs to Kouta Hirano.**

~ Internet and the Modern Vampire ~

"Seras, what's going on? Why did you drag me down here?" Integra asked, frowning as the vampire led her into one of the rooms in the basement.

"Well, I kept hearing this really faint buzzing noise whenever I was trying to sleep, so I finally decided to investigate, and I found this old computer in this room. And it was still on! Apparently it's been running this whole time. I was curious about why it was down here and who would have been using it... and long story short: I found Master's Deviantart account."

"Deviant... art?" Integra repeated, nonplussed.

Seras had forgotten that Integra didn't keep up with pop culture or social media, so the name of that particular website probably meant nothing to her.

"It's a site for people to post their artwork," Seras explained briefly.

Although there were a lot of other things she could have said about the site, she didn't want to try explaining internet culture in its entirety to someone who obviously knew so little about it.

"I never would have thought that Alucard was an artist," Integra replied.

Seras was already regretting her decision and hoping she wouldn't be asked to explain what a furry (or fishy, as the case may be) was to her boss. But she went over to the ancient computer anyway and pulled up the page.

Integra came up behind her and looked over Seras's shoulder at the screen.

There was a picture (and a rather poorly-drawn one, at that) of a cartoonish black shark with red eyes that was a wearing a hat which bore a marked resemblance to Alucard's - although it was pointy on top, more like a witch's hat.

Underneath the picture was the title **Sharkcard 1** accompanied by the artist's screen name: IncompleteDeckOfCards666.

Beneath the title and byline was a description.

 _This is my sharksona. His name is Sharkcard and he's a bull shark. He has red eyes. His hobbies are eating people and wearing a cool hat. (On his dorsal fin so it doesn't fall off.)_

 _[Comments are disabled on this post.]_

Seras clicked on a link which took them away from that specific picture to a gallery, where there were many more drawings of this 'Sharkcard' character. After clicking through several pages of Sharkcards, they finally stumbled upon more varied content.

There was a text post which read:

 _I decided to design some oceansonas for some of my friends and coworkers, too, although I'll probably never show them to them because this is kind of embarrassing. How would I explain it? Would the be offended if I said "look I drew you as fish?"_

The comment section was enabled on this post, and there were many comments encouraging him to draw the 'oceansonas' anyway and post them.

The next few art posts were a few pages covered in sketches of various fish. These were followed by individual colored pictures (still not of particularity good quality) of the individual fish. Based on the names - which were all some odd portmanteau of a person's name and the species of their 'fishsona' - Integra was able to identify most of these as members of the domestic staff of Hellsing Manor who had been around during the late 90s.

Then they came to the one that was based on her. It was entitled **Fintegra**.

"Why am I hammerhead shark?" she asked.

Seras's only reply was an awkward laugh.

Unlike most of the other pictures, there was no rambling description under this one. It simply read: _The boss_.

The next picture looked like some kind of purple slug and was entitled: **Walter is a sea cucumber because fuck you, Walter**.

Which Integra took to mean that Walter had stumbled across this art page of Alucard's somehow, back then. Pity that she couldn't ask either of them about it...

On the very last page of the gallery, there was a small collection of very rough sketches of a single fish, and then one colored picture of that same fish. Despite being the latest to be posted, it was one of the ugliest pictures on there. Although maybe that had more to do with the fish itself than Alucard's less-than-impressive drawing skills.

It was entitled **Seraph**.

The text below it read:

 _This one is Seraph, the angler fish. She was supposed to be an angelfish, but I spelled it wrong when I was looking up references and didn't realize until after I started inking the lines on the final draft that it was probably wrong, and I don't really have time to redraw a new one right now due to a work situation taking up so much of my time... so she's just going to be angler fish for now_.

She had to admit that Alucard's desire to include his fledgling in this little art project of his, in between everything that had been going on in those last few months was touching.

Out loud, she only said, "Did he really refer to that whole disaster with Millennium's invasion as a 'work situation' that was taking up too much time?"

Not bothering to answer her boss's rhetorical question, Seras put forth an inquiry of her own: "Do you think that when he comes back Master would be upset if I asked him to draw me as the angelfish?"

Integra, who could not begin to fathom what Alucard's reaction to that would be, replied, "Why don't you draw it yourself?"

~end~


End file.
